One fundamental of good parenting is supporting the role of the other parent.
Children need two parents, and they especially need two parents that work together. They need a consistent view of the world and their place in it to feel secure and confident.
It’s as simple as mum not telling Johny he can play outside – straight after dad’s told him he can’t – even if she thinks it’s OK herself.
Or it’s as complex as dad telling him that mummy’s just out late and will be back soon – even if he really thinks she’s having an affair with his best friend.
Clearly we must be realistic, people are always going to argue or briefly undermine the other parent – we’re only human. All the same, for good parents this is the exception about which they feel guilty, rather than the rule.
It’s a simple matter of putting the welfare of the child before your own feelings. Even when it’s easier to just blame the other parent, we don’t.
Indeed, parents the world over support each other naturally, they understand it helps their children to feel loved and valued equally by them both.
Unfortunately, relationships break down increasingly often in our society, and when this involves children it can be especially difficult.
Of course, in most cases, parents recognise that the children shouldn’t have to suffer just because they can’t get on. They make sensible arrangements to ensure their breakup has as little impact on their children as possible.
In a minority of cases one or both of the parents can’t or won’t agree how parenting of the children is to be arranged after breakup. These are the cases that end up in the courts.
If one parent is determined enough, they can keep the children all for themselves. It is usually the mother – as the system accepts and even helps a mother in the removal of a child’s father – and it can be done easily and without challenge. It is much less common for it to be the father, though it does happen.
We believe that removing a parent completely from a child’s life, without very good reason, is the ultimate in selfishness and bad parenting.
Of course, very rarely, there are good reasons for excluding one parent. However, our courts do not look for good reasons, they are happy with any reason, whether true or fabricated and – amazingly enough – they don’t much care which!
These children are damaged for life. You’d expect the family justice system to put the children first and help them keep both parents. But instead, they take the easy way out, shrug their shoulders, and say “What can we do?”.
Normal people naturally expect courts in this country to be places where truth and justice are at work. Nothing could be further from the truth.
No-one is pretending that these situations are easy, of course, but by standing back and rubber-stamping parental alienation, the family justice system is badly letting these children down and doing little more than helping bad parents ruin their future lives.
